Today we’re sharing part 2 of an excerpt from the book A Couple’s Guide to Money by Millionaire Money Mentors mentor Prudence Zhu.
We’ve already covered part one here.
If you missed that you’ll want to check it out before reading today’s post.
With that said, let’s get right into today’s excerpt…
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Small but Meaningful Moments
In relationships, the smallest moments of connection can be the most meaningful. These moments don’t always require grand gestures, but rather, an understanding and acknowledgment of each other’s needs. Jessica, another member of my program, shared with the group a moment with her partner that really stuck in her head.
Not long ago, Jessica had spent a long day at work with kids (she runs a small home daycare near Los Angeles), taking them for a field trip to the zoo. By the time she got back home, she was exhausted, and the thought of cooking dinner felt overwhelming. So she suggested to Ethan, her boyfriend, that they grab a quick bite out. When they sat down, she told Ethan, “Can we just eat and not talk during dinner? I’m really tired and just need some time to myself.”
Ethan’s response was a pleasant surprise that totally changed the dynamic during the meal and the energy for the entire evening. Instead of being hurt or withdrawn, he responded with understanding and love. “Okay,” he said, “I just want to let you know, I had a really nice day today. And I’m happy to see you. I’m here for you whenever you need me.”
It was such a simple interaction, but for Jessica, it was a moment of love and connection. Not only did Ethan agree to her request for space, he also expressed his feelings in a way that acknowledged her tiredness, while also sharing something positive from his day. It wasn’t a long conversation, but it was meaningful and inspiring. The understanding and the ability to express authentic self in just a few words brought them closer.
This is a perfect example of what I call the power of active listening—the skill of building strong and loving connections by communicating simply and clearly. Jessica’s story highlights how powerful it is when partners can express their needs, and even more so when they can reciprocate with understanding and affirmation. Ethan not only acknowledged Jessica’s feelings but also showed her that he was emotionally attuned to her needs. This gave her a safe space to process her stress without feeling pressured to entertain, and it enhanced her trust in Ethan.
It’s Not All Roses
David is another member of my group coaching program. He met Jennifer, his wife, twenty-four years ago. At that time, they both felt like they had finally found their soulmate. But after two decades of marriage and having a daughter together, their initial passion had transformed into something all too familiar to many long-term couples: politeness and shared family responsibilities.
Having read many books on marriage but still struggling over the years, David found himself reflecting on his relationship, eager to find a way to revive the connection and passion they had once shared. Despite all the years they’d spent together, there was still emotional distance that needed to be bridged and trust to be rebuilt as the foundation of his marriage. He joined my program to start this process and was excited to see the first exercise, which focused on expressing feelings of love and appreciation for one another.
However, Jennifer had endured many life changes and repeatedly expressed a great deal of pain and resentment over the years. She was especially hesitant to revisit painful memories of their move from a comfortable life in China to start over in Canada seven years ago. The thought of reopening old wounds terrified her. When David first suggested doing the exercise, Jennifer was resistant.
“I don’t know, David,” Jennifer said softly, her arms crossed. “I don’t want to talk about all that stuff again. We’ve been through so much. What’s the point of bringing it up now? It just hurts.”
David noticed her hesitation and tried to reassure her. “I know this isn’t easy,” he said. “But if we don’t talk about how we’re feeling and face what’s hurting us, we’ll stay stuck. I want us to feel close again, and I really want to know what I can do to help us get closer.”
Jennifer’s face softened, but her frustration was clear. “It feels like we’re just going around in circles. I don’t want to dig up everything again. It’s a waste of time and only makes me feel bad.”
David paused, reflecting on her words. He had sensed the same sentiments many times before, but this time felt different—he didn’t argue back or drop it there. He would try again; he wasn’t giving up.
Second Try
The next weekend, while they were walking in the park under the warm sun, David tried again, this time with a more gentle approach.
“Jennifer, do you remember the day I failed that licensing exam? I was really hard on myself, and I felt like I had let everyone down. But when you saw how upset I was and just held my hand, I realized how much you care about me. You didn’t have to say much, but that act of kindness meant everything to me.”
Jennifer paused, looking at the trees around them. She didn’t respond right away, but David could see the small shift in her expression. She was thinking, processing.
“I just want to know if we can be happy together again,” David continued. “I know I’ve made mistakes. But I’m trying to understand your needs better. I want to listen.”
Jennifer turned to face him, her eyes welling with tears. “I’ve been carrying so much of this anger and sadness around. Sometimes, I feel like I’m invisible to you. Like you don’t see me anymore.” Her voice trembled slightly. “It feels like I’m a burden to you.”
David felt the weight of her words, and for the first time, he didn’t rush to comfort her or move to a happy subject. He just listened, allowing her to express herself fully.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. “I didn’t realize how much I was shutting you out. I’m here for you now.”
The Power of Being Present
Even though David and Jennifer didn’t finish the whole exercise, David’s efforts were a good reminder that in relationships, it’s not about having no problems—it’s about how we face them together. Every couple’s journey is unique. We all want to avoid pain and uncertainty, but those moments can actually be opportunities for healing. By choosing to listen without judgment and making space for vulnerability, David created a real moment of connection with Jennifer that helped rebuild their trust, even if things didn’t go perfectly.
Jennifer’s breakthrough wasn’t instantaneous, and there were still deep emotional layers to unpack, but the key was that she finally felt heard. And that’s all it took: space to share, to express, and to have her feelings acknowledged.
David’s experience highlights the core message of this book: life is not always easy, and both relationships and wealth require work over a long period of time. But when we’re willing to face the challenges, embrace vulnerability, and actively listen to one another, we can overcome the history that holds us back and keeps us apart.
David’s initiative is a powerful reminder that, even when things feel difficult, the courage to love yourself and your partner deeply is where the transformation begins. It’s not always about having the perfect conversation or solving every problem right away. Sometimes, just being there, listening, and holding space for each other is enough to take that crucial first step toward healing and growth.
What Love Gives
Lao Tzu, the famous Chinese philosopher, once said, “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” In Chinese, it’s just four characters—”慈故能勇”—and the translation truly captures the meaning perfectly. Love has this incredible power to spark strength and courage inside us, pushing us to do things we never thought we could. But here’s the important part: love isn’t about grand gestures or big sacrifices. It’s something we build every day through simple acts like truly listening and making space for each other to be ourselves.
When you’re loved, you get to be your true self, with freedom and courage. And when you love, you get to help someone else do the same. Love is the kind of bond that’s strong enough to carry you through life’s ups and downs, letting you stay true to who you are and grow into who you want to be. It’s the key to a happy, fulfilling life.
So, how do we really love? By listening, accepting, and inspiring. It’s simple but powerful, and it’s one of the most effective ways we can love someone else . . . and ourselves.
The Spark Within You
If you are holding this book, it is no accident. Something inside you has sparked a quiet nudge to strengthen your relationships, take charge of your money, or simply grow into your best self. This is your promise to create the life you really want, a life where love, money, and personal growth all come together. Choosing this path takes courage, and I truly admire you for taking the first step.
Figure 3: From Emotion to Intention, Finding Your Superpower
The fact that you have chosen to take this step and invest in yourself and your partner is the strongest sign of your success. Growth and improvement are not just about mastering money skills or being the perfect partner. They are about being willing to keep evolving no matter where you begin and staying committed to the journey. This commitment, the desire to be better for yourself and those you love, is the foundation for everything that comes next.
A Game Changer
Before we dive into the exercises of this chapter, I first want to share John’s feedback, which really captures the transformative power of this work. For John, the exercise wasn’t just a routine task—it became a profound moment of self-reflection and realization. Here’s what he shared:
“Before I started the exercise, I looked it over and immediately felt a sense of guilt and realized that I had some real work to do. When it came to questions about love languages, appreciation, and trust, I had to search my memory for answers instead of just responding to them quickly. This exercise felt like a checkpoint for me to reflect and even apologize to my wife for the things I’ve neglected.”
He admitted, “With three kids and a demanding career, I was so focused on tasks, work, and responsibilities. And I overlooked the simple but important acts of love, such as buying gifts, celebrating birthdays, or even acknowledging each other’s efforts on a daily basis. We both deeply love and trust each other, but I realized we hadn’t been actively showing it. As a result, our marriage had become routine, even stale.”
John’s realization was powerful. We can’t just rely on trust as a foundation and hope for a healthy relationship ever after. We have to actively work to maintain the bond, express our love, and remind each other how much we care. It’s easy to take these things for granted, but the exercise helped John see where things had slipped. And more importantly, it gave him a path to rekindle the connection with his wife.
As he put it, “My wife is so happy to see me expressing my feelings this way. She’s excited about the changes I’m making, and I’m excited too.”
Something New
Starting something new can feel a little awkward, and it’s completely normal to feel that way, especially when you’ve never tried the exercises like synchronized breathing or yoga before.
I’ve seen people show up to a new practice so many times and feel like they’re “not getting it” right away. Sometimes, one person might burst into laughter, while they are supposed to focus on the breathing. And that’s totally okay!
It was the same for me and my husband when we first tried it, too. The keys are patience and persistence. It might take a few minutes to get used to, but I promise, you will get it. If you stay sincere and caring in the exercise, progress will come naturally.
The Secret Sauce for Thriving Together
Trust and authentic connection are the ultimate ingredients for a couple who wants to thrive—not just in love, but in life and money too! Think of these exercises as your relationship booster pack. They are not just “nice to try” but powerful tools to help you both build real skills and experiences that lead to a deeper, lasting connection. Ready to get started? Let’s dive in!
1. Synchronized Breathing
The first exercise is synchronized breathing. Now, before you think this is “just another relaxation thing,” hear me out. Synchronized breathing is like your relationship’s reset button. When you both slow down for a moment, breathe deeply together, and sync up, you’re doing more than calming your nerves. You’re tuning in emotionally and physically with each other. It’s like pressing “refresh” on your relationship, where you both just become more present, connected, and ready to listen.
Imagine this: You’re both calm, breathing together, and all the noise of life just melts away. It’s like creating your own little bubble of peace and connection where empathy, understanding, and presence happen naturally. There’s no need for big gestures. All it takes is a couple of minutes of deep breathing, and bam! Instant emotional alignment, ready to tune in to each other’s feelings and needs.
2. Active Listening
Now that you and your partner are literally on the same wavelength, breathing together and creating a calm, connected space, it’s time to level up with true active listening. This exercise isn’t just about nodding along or letting what your partner says pass through your ears. It’s about giving your full attention, listening not just to the words, but also to the emotions behind them. You’re putting aside your own agenda, truly showing up for your partner, and making sure they feel heard and valued.
As you practice this, you’re not just learning a powerful communication skill that makes you grow closer. Active listening isn’t just about words. It’s about the energy of being fully present and open. It’s about creating an environment where both of you feel comfortable expressing your feelings without fear of judgment.
David Augsburger, a well-known relationship counselor, says, “Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable.” Think about that for a moment. What if truly hearing your partner is the most direct way to make them feel loved? Active listening is an expression of love. When you practice active listening, you are not just getting through the conversation; you are truly connecting—emotionally, intellectually, and beyond!
3. Authentic Connection
Let’s take it one step further into authentic connection. This is where the magic happens. It’s not just about using the right listening techniques, it’s about being vulnerable and showing up with an open heart, genuinely willing to be changed by what your partner shares.
You’ve probably heard about “listening without judgment,” but what does that really mean? It means setting aside your story and focusing on your partner’s experience. It’s all about hitting pause on your own thoughts, jumping into their shoes, and really soaking up what they’re saying. There’s no need to plan your reply while they’re talking! Just be there, listen, and see the world from their eyes.
True connection happens when both of you feel seen, heard, and valued. It’s not just the techniques that matter, but the emotional openness and sincerity behind them. When that shows up, trust, love, and understanding naturally follow.
At the end of the day, it all comes down to this: When both partners feel understood, the relationship grows stronger, and the emotional walls come down. So, get ready to embrace open communication, empathy, and vulnerability through these exercises. This is your chance to connect more deeply than ever before.
4. Your Roles
In most exercises in this book, you’ll take turns playing two important roles: the empowered narrator and the empowering listener. As the narrator, your job is to share your thoughts and feelings openly and honestly. As the listener, your role is to give your full attention to the narrator without interrupting or taking notes, showing respect and trying to tune in emotionally.
Active listening means both people have to put in effort. The listener keeps natural eye contact—not staring, but showing they’re fully present. Simple sounds like “um,” “wow,” or “ah,” plus intentional body language like putting a hand on your heart, giving two thumbs up, nodding, or smiling, encourage the narrator to open up emotionally. Most importantly, the listener avoids interrupting, taking notes, or thinking about their response while the narrator is sharing. The goal is to create a calm, welcoming space so the other person can really feel and share what’s on their mind freely.
This approach gives the narrator room to be truly heard and the listener the chance to really understand. Listening for two minutes without jumping in can feel a little awkward at first, but it’s actually crucial. It’s okay if there are a few quiet moments. These silences give the narrator time to process their feelings and gather their words. Even though we often rush through talks or interrupt each other, making space for uninterrupted listening is what leads to real conversations and genuine connection.
Both roles matter. When the narrator shares openly, it invites the listener to join in the journey. And when the listener pays full attention, it helps build a genuine connection. Working together this way makes conversations richer and more meaningful.
A lot of the time, people breeze past their feelings when things seem fine. You hear short answers like “I’m fine” or “Nothing much” because we’re used to moving on quickly. If you and your partner are new to active listening, you can help each other explore deeper feelings. When you get short answers, gently ask things like, “Tell me more,” “What makes you feel that way?” or “Where do you feel that in your body? Does it feel light or heavy?” Then just be quiet and listen. These simple prompts can help reveal layers of feelings and bring clarity.
In my training to become a Registered Life Planner® I once paired up with another financial planner in an eight-minute exercise that started with “Why are you here?” She said, “Oh, I’m here to get the training so I could better help my clients. Personally, I’m all good.” I literally followed the rule of eight minutes of listening with no interruptions while keeping eye contact. You can imagine the embarrassment, unease, and boredom with each second that passed by between us. Finally, we survived the staring contest and it was my turn.
I answered with an expansive response including why I moved from China to the US by myself in 2012, why we moved from Chicago to Phoenix in 2020, and how I started a family and now have two kids. I even talked about what I’m struggling with while trying to find my passion and align it with my work. It was a lengthy answer, but after hearing me, she said, “Had I known you’d answer it this way, I wouldn’t have stayed silent and wasted my eight minutes.” That was a very important lesson for me. The goal is not sticking to the rules of the exercise itself, but building a connection and creating the space for your partner to feel comfortable expressing whatever is on their mind. If the prompt doesn’t provide enough direction, a little guidance from the listener can make all the difference.
For this book, we’ll stick to two-minute exercises with different questions. When the narrator starts, the listener sets a timer and listens without interruptions, maintaining eye contact and paying attention to how feelings shift in the body—where do you feel it when different emotions are expressed? Are the feelings light or heavy? Tense or relaxed? Even if what’s shared is hard or vulnerable, stay fully present. This dedicated time lets the narrator process their thoughts and emotions fully while strengthening your understanding and bond.
At first, open communication may take extra effort. But as you practice these exercises, it will start to feel natural. Along the way, you’ll understand yourself and your partner better and grow closer together.
Now, It’s Your Turn!
Do you have something you’ve always wanted to discuss but never quite found the right moment for? How do you bring your partner into the conversation in a way that feels positive and collaborative?
Let’s kickstart meaningful conversations around love with the first set of exercises from the book. It will help set a solid foundation for more difficult topics that are essential to your relationship and money. This exercise may take thirty minutes, but trust me, it will likely lead to an hour of connection and understanding, deepening your bond in the best way possible.
Here’s the thing: it might feel new and a little strange at first, but stick with it. Over time, these exercises will help you rekindle the connections that might have gotten lost in the hustle and bustle of life. You deserve the time and attention to be connected, to work toward something truly meaningful and lasting.
Ready to get started? Here’s the first set of exercises to help you reconnect with your partner in love:
Exercises for Chapter 1: Love Is The Foundation
Exercise 1-1: Sync Your Breath
1. Sit comfortably facing each other. Feel free to lean back if that helps you feel more at ease.
2. Close your eyes or soften your gaze.
3. Breathe in slowly and deeply through your noses together, counting to four.
4. Hold your breath gently for a count of four.
5. Exhale slowly through your mouths together, counting to six.
6. Once you feel comfortable with this rhythm, set a timer for two minutes.
7. Keep repeating this breathing cycle—breathe in, hold, breathe out—focusing on syncing your breaths with each other.
Exercise 1-2: Love Language
1. Take a moment to think about your main love language, based on Gary Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts. It might be: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, or physical touch.
2. You and your partner will take turns to share and listen. Decide who goes first. The listener pays full attention, making eye contact and not interrupting or taking notes. It’s okay to use sounds like “um” or “wow” and body language.
3. When the narrator is ready, set a timer for two minutes.
4. Share with your partner: “My primary love language is . . .”
5. Once the narrator finishes, the listener shares their feelings with: “When you said (repeat their specific words), I felt (an emotion) in (a part of my body).”
For example:
- “When you praised my efforts, I felt a smile come to my face and warmth in my heart.”
- “When you noticed the chores I did, I felt deep gratitude in my chest.”
6. Switch roles and repeat the process.
7. Optionally, you can do this again to share your secondary love language.
Exercise 1-3: Being Touched
1. Again, set a timer for two minutes each.
2. Take turns to open up and share with your partner: “You recently did . . . (a specific thing) and it touched me.”
3. Decide who goes first. The listener pays full attention, keeping eye contact and not interrupting or taking notes. It’s okay to use sounds like “um” or “wow” and body language.
4. Once the narrator finishes, the listener shares their feelings with: “When you said (repeat their specific words), I felt (an emotion) in (a part of my body).”
For example:
- “When you said you were grateful for the things I did, I felt a soft warmth in my cheeks.”
- “When you mentioned that you missed me, I felt a tender flutter on my skin and a quiet happiness in my heart.”
5. Switch roles and repeat.
Exercise 1-4: Trust
1. Take two minutes each to share with your partner: “The last time I felt I could completely trust you was . . . (specific situation).”
2. Decide who goes first. The listener pays full attention, keeping eye contact and not interrupting or taking notes. It’s okay to use sounds like “um” or “wow” and body language.
3. Once the narrator finishes, the listener shares their feelings with: “When you said (repeat their specific words), I felt (an emotion) in (a part of my body).”
For example:
- “When I heard you saying you completely trust me, my eyes felt wet.”
- “When you spoke about our future, I felt a joyful lightness spread through my body.”
4. Switch roles and repeat.
Exercise 1-5: Ideal Date
1. Take two minutes each to share with your partner: “What would your ideal date be like, what would we do, where would we be, and what other details would you notice?”
2. Decide who goes first. The listener pays full attention, keeping eye contact and not interrupting or taking notes. It’s okay to use sounds like “um” or “wow” and body language.
3. Once the narrator finishes, the listener shares their feelings with: “When you said (repeat their specific words), I felt (an emotion) in (a part of my body).”
For example:
- “When you mentioned a sunset picnic in Maldives, I felt a wave of happiness and excitement in my heart.”
- “When you mentioned exploring a new city together, I felt a thrilling energy in my legs, ready to go.”
4. Switch roles and repeat.
5. Discuss how you can incorporate elements of what you shared into future interactions.
Adaptation for Other Relationships
For Exercise 1-5 (Ideal Date), you can adapt it to “Ideal Moment” to fit any close relationship, not just romantic ones. Instead of asking, “What would your ideal date be like?” you could ask:
- “What does a perfect moment together look like for you?”
- “If we could spend quality time anywhere, doing anything, what would you choose?”
- “Are there any small details that would make it extra special?”
This set of exercises works whether you want to connect with a sibling, a parent, or a friend. By focusing on what makes time together meaningful, you open the door to deeper understanding and genuine connection.
Have fun with it, let it flow naturally, and see where it takes you!
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That’s pretty useful, isn’t it?
If you want to read more, check out A Couple’s Guide to Money for details.
